Anyone remember this scene from the movie, Love Actually? The
little boy, Sam, is adorable!
Daniel: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum, or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?
Sam: You really want to know?
Daniel: I really want to know
Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?
Daniel: Even if that's the case, yeah.
Sam: Okay. Well, the truth is... actually... I'm in love.
Daniel: Sorry?
Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is, I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Daniel: [laughs] Aren't you a bit young to be in love?
Sam: No.
Daniel: Oh, well, okay... right. Well, I mean, I'm a little relieved.
Sam: Why?
Daniel: Well, because I thought it would be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
It is such an amusing statement coming from a young child. But he was right. True love really is agonizing. I love my children. They bring me so much joy. But this love also brings "total agony." The agony of the weight of the world on my shoulders. Of knowing that every decision that I make impacts them and is therefore a risk. Wanting the best for them and knowing that I’m not the best… at anything. And now in this moment, realizing that while I would quickly die for each of my three boys, I am instead being called to live for them. To die to myself. To give up many, many of my plans for my life, or at least put them off. To give up my obsession with a clean house. To give up a perfect exercise schedule. To give up my introverted self’s much needed alone time. To bring them home for their education.
God has been tugging on my heart for awhile. Looking back, I am amazed to see how He has managed to turn my heart toward Him on this issue. Six years ago, we bought a home in our suburban neighborhood with a plan that our children would attend the same school district I attended. Soon after, I began teaching in the district part time… I won’t go into detail but from that experience we decided to instead opt for private, Christian school. I made sure to enroll my oldest son when he was three, so as to guarantee his spot in Kindergarten. Crazy? Yes. But thankfully he loved it and thrived in 2 day preschool and then 3 day pre-K the next year.
I blinked and those years were over and it was time for kindergarten. It was to be all day, every day. This is a new trend in our society. I did not have peace about this routine for my boy. I mean, the child was still napping nearly three hours per day at that point! I did some research and found a half day program at another Christian school in our area but it was a drive and by the time I got home from dropping off, I would be heading back to pick him up. It didn’t seem like a good long term plan. By this time, government schools were not even an option for us for many reasons but we certainly didn’t want to "homeschool." So we stayed. And God blessed us with a wonderful teacher and J had a good year overall. However, he was exhausted by the end of the day every day. Our family time suffered.
So I began to research home education.
The next year I agonized about the school decision again. By this time I was a mom to three little boys and having witnessed their energy levels and love of the outdoors, I was convinced that no little boy could truly thrive when sitting still and quiet inside a classroom for six hours a day. So I looked into some alternative options for schooling with two day per week programs. To my frustration, nothing was a fit. God just did not seem to be opening any doors. So we stayed and my little guy began first grade.
I continued to research home education almost against my own will because it was beginning to look like the only option for our family long term. After all, private school for three is expensive and I couldn’t imagine going back to work just for them to go to a particular school. However, at this time I still did not have a desire to educate my kids at home. Have you met them? Their energy levels exceed mine by a mile and I am in pretty decent shape! I love them but could I really be with them for seven katrillion hours each day?!
So I began to pray. Lord, if home education is your will for us, I will do it. But, please, please show me a support group. Show me other “normal” moms who are on this journey ahead of me. I enjoy being a leader but right now I need wisdom, emotional support, and confidence.
What followed over the past few months has been amazing. Friends that I have known for years that had never mentioned homeschooling to me previously are considering it. Acquaintances who I desired to get to know better have shared with me that they are already homeschooling. Day after day, week after week, I have found out that more and more friends and acquaintances are already home educating their kids or plan to next year. Not only that but all of them are women who I already knew were strong Christian women. These are women who far exceeded my requirement of “normal." They are women who were respected by me already. I am floored by God’s answer to prayer.
So after years of prayer and research, beginning this fall we will be educating our children at home. And I can honestly say that I want to do this. I am so excited! Not because I am capable. Not because I am patient (ha!). Not because I am an exceptional teacher. Not because I don’t need or want alone time (double ha!). Not because I don’t have ambition of my own. But because God is capable and He is asking this of me. If He has the power to take my selfish, impatient, frazzled, uptight, neat freak, introverted heart and turn it so that I want to take this on, with THESE children, then He has the power to see me through the journey.
Daniel: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum, or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?
Sam: You really want to know?
Daniel: I really want to know
Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?
Daniel: Even if that's the case, yeah.
Sam: Okay. Well, the truth is... actually... I'm in love.
Daniel: Sorry?
Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is, I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Daniel: [laughs] Aren't you a bit young to be in love?
Sam: No.
Daniel: Oh, well, okay... right. Well, I mean, I'm a little relieved.
Sam: Why?
Daniel: Well, because I thought it would be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
It is such an amusing statement coming from a young child. But he was right. True love really is agonizing. I love my children. They bring me so much joy. But this love also brings "total agony." The agony of the weight of the world on my shoulders. Of knowing that every decision that I make impacts them and is therefore a risk. Wanting the best for them and knowing that I’m not the best… at anything. And now in this moment, realizing that while I would quickly die for each of my three boys, I am instead being called to live for them. To die to myself. To give up many, many of my plans for my life, or at least put them off. To give up my obsession with a clean house. To give up a perfect exercise schedule. To give up my introverted self’s much needed alone time. To bring them home for their education.
God has been tugging on my heart for awhile. Looking back, I am amazed to see how He has managed to turn my heart toward Him on this issue. Six years ago, we bought a home in our suburban neighborhood with a plan that our children would attend the same school district I attended. Soon after, I began teaching in the district part time… I won’t go into detail but from that experience we decided to instead opt for private, Christian school. I made sure to enroll my oldest son when he was three, so as to guarantee his spot in Kindergarten. Crazy? Yes. But thankfully he loved it and thrived in 2 day preschool and then 3 day pre-K the next year.
I blinked and those years were over and it was time for kindergarten. It was to be all day, every day. This is a new trend in our society. I did not have peace about this routine for my boy. I mean, the child was still napping nearly three hours per day at that point! I did some research and found a half day program at another Christian school in our area but it was a drive and by the time I got home from dropping off, I would be heading back to pick him up. It didn’t seem like a good long term plan. By this time, government schools were not even an option for us for many reasons but we certainly didn’t want to "homeschool." So we stayed. And God blessed us with a wonderful teacher and J had a good year overall. However, he was exhausted by the end of the day every day. Our family time suffered.
So I began to research home education.
The next year I agonized about the school decision again. By this time I was a mom to three little boys and having witnessed their energy levels and love of the outdoors, I was convinced that no little boy could truly thrive when sitting still and quiet inside a classroom for six hours a day. So I looked into some alternative options for schooling with two day per week programs. To my frustration, nothing was a fit. God just did not seem to be opening any doors. So we stayed and my little guy began first grade.
I continued to research home education almost against my own will because it was beginning to look like the only option for our family long term. After all, private school for three is expensive and I couldn’t imagine going back to work just for them to go to a particular school. However, at this time I still did not have a desire to educate my kids at home. Have you met them? Their energy levels exceed mine by a mile and I am in pretty decent shape! I love them but could I really be with them for seven katrillion hours each day?!
So I began to pray. Lord, if home education is your will for us, I will do it. But, please, please show me a support group. Show me other “normal” moms who are on this journey ahead of me. I enjoy being a leader but right now I need wisdom, emotional support, and confidence.
What followed over the past few months has been amazing. Friends that I have known for years that had never mentioned homeschooling to me previously are considering it. Acquaintances who I desired to get to know better have shared with me that they are already homeschooling. Day after day, week after week, I have found out that more and more friends and acquaintances are already home educating their kids or plan to next year. Not only that but all of them are women who I already knew were strong Christian women. These are women who far exceeded my requirement of “normal." They are women who were respected by me already. I am floored by God’s answer to prayer.
So after years of prayer and research, beginning this fall we will be educating our children at home. And I can honestly say that I want to do this. I am so excited! Not because I am capable. Not because I am patient (ha!). Not because I am an exceptional teacher. Not because I don’t need or want alone time (double ha!). Not because I don’t have ambition of my own. But because God is capable and He is asking this of me. If He has the power to take my selfish, impatient, frazzled, uptight, neat freak, introverted heart and turn it so that I want to take this on, with THESE children, then He has the power to see me through the journey.
